the race against your will

October 3, 2007

11:30 am.

my head is spinning.
as i brought my head up, a BANG! hit me like a dozen bricks. it’s somatic affect sinking through my wrenching nerves.
never have i felt this air of dizzyness in the past few weeks.
what hit me did not have a form. it’s incorporeal physique struck me harder than the heaviest object alive. it danced drunkenly inside my head, creating chaos to my cognitive armor.
i lacked sleep. i devoured an overdose of caffeine.
and i realized i had made a mistake.

the guilt is chasing me. it ran after me as would a police to a thief.
i was the thief.
i stole it’s right to justice. i was overcome by greed and self pleasure.

i am dehydrating. My thirst for peace is overwhelming. My hunger could not be controlled.
i will become a cannibal.
rationality is absent from my brain. i have become an animal, a beast in disguise that seeks only for my personal indulgence. i needed something. i needed it.
its form is tempting. i can remember its taste, sweet and sour,
its texture playing with my tongue- like a child and their favorite toy

i wanted it,
i wanted it to fulfill my hunger. to please my curiosity. to sympathize for my pain.

as i drew closer to it, i realized the consequences.
i shall be condemned… yet the sin, is like a daisy in the meadow.
it called on to me.. it screamed my name…
it promised me of a fairytale love with rainbows and cheesy love songs

rationality knocked on my door.
it came home from it’s holiday. it asked politely to come in.
its body was ragged. rationality had been abused, physically and violently…
it dropped to its knees and cried an ocean.
pleading for me to wake up
it shook my shoulders hastily… it slapped my cheeks twice.

unfortunately,
i had been unconscious all this time. i had died along with my sensibility.
i was a zombie who woke up from the dead.

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